Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting Paperback
Author: Ph.D. John Gottman - ISBN: 0684838656 - Language: English - Format: PDF, EPUB
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Amazon.com Review
In Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, psychology professor John Gottman explores the emotional relationship between parents and children. It's not enough to simply reject an authoritarian model of parenting, Gottman says. A parent needs to be concerned with the quality of emotional interactions. Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and coauthor Joan Declaire focus first on the parent (a "know thyself" approach), and provide a series of exercises to assess parenting styles and emotional self-awareness. The authors identify a five-step "emotion coaching" process to help teach children how to recognize and address their feelings, which includes becoming aware of the child's emotions; recognizing that dealing with these emotions is an opportunity for intimacy; listening empathetically; helping the child label emotions; setting limits; and problem-solving. Chapters on divorce, fathering, and age-based differences in emotional development help make Gottman's teachings detailed and useful. --Ericka Lutz
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"A significant gift to parents and children."—Common Boundary
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DETAILS
- Paperback: 240 pages
- Publisher: Simon & Schuster; 1 edition (August 12, 1998)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0684838656
- ISBN-13: 978-0684838656
- Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,341 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #7 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Child Psychology
- #14 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Child Psychology
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There are many parenting books out there that are as controversial as they are popular. You use what you find helpful and ignore what doesn't fit in with your own personal parenting philosophy. I found most of Goleman's techniques in this book to be insightful and invaluable.
Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy to discount our little ones' cries as merely manipulative attempts to get what they want. (The author DOES recognize that children DO try to manipulate adults in this way and recommends not using emotion coaching in those instances.) This is a realistic, practical, and easily read book told from the perspective of a father who also relays helpful instances in his own life where he'd used emotion coaching.
One benchmark that I often use to judge parenting books are their philosophies on punishment, particularly time-outs. Goleman believes in the proper implementation of time-outs. They are to be consistent and respectful, not opportunities to emotionally berate or humiliate children. He believes that it is best used for children aged 3-8 and should last about a minute. You may want use Amazon's search-within-a-book feature and search for "time-out" to get a better idea.
The author sites studies showing that emotional intelligence is linked to higher reading and math IQ's, social competence, and physical health. We all wish the best for our children, and reading this book will help you to be the best parent you can be.
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