Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Paperback
Author: Visit Amazon's Esther Perel Page - ISBN: 0060753641 - Language: English - Format: PDF, EPUB
DESCRIPTION
From Publishers Weekly
Developed originally from an article she wrote on "erotic intelligence," psychotherapist Perel's first book sets forth a thesis for today's couples that is as revelatory as it is straightforward. Languishing desire in a relationship actually results from all the factors people look for in love and marriage: grounding, meaning, continuity. Partnerships are supposed to provide "a bulwark against the vicissitudes of modern life," Perel notes, and in one person we turn for all the emotional connections that the greater society (church, community, family) can no longer provide. Habit and certainty kill desire, yet how to live comfortably with the elements of unpredictability and risk that are necessary for healthy eroticism? Perel supports her nicely accessible work with case studies of couples both heterosexual and gay, spanning all ages, with kids and without, in an attempt to cure what ails their sex life. Some of the proposals Perel recommends for rekindling eroticism involve cultivating separateness (e.g., autonomy) in a relationship rather than closeness (entrapment); exploring dynamics of power and control (i.e., submission, spanking); and learning to surrender to a "sexual ruthlessness" that liberates us from shame and guilt. In short, Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
“Her advice is refreshingly counterintuitive.” (Salon.com)
“Mating in Captivity...articulates a poignant and unacknowledged modern crisis for the first time.” (The Evening Standard (London))
“An elegant sociological study, complete with erudite literary and anthropological references.” (Daily Telegraph (London))
“A charming blend of wit and wisdom...this book will give you a fresh perspective on long-term love.” (Gold Coast Bulletin (Australia))
“Well argued points written with considerable eloquence.” (Jerusalem Post)
“This is a brave book...refreshing.” (The Times Higher Education Supplement)
“So honest it hurts.” (Irish Times)
“An excellent book, full of provocative prose and entertaining case illustrations.” (Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy)
“Mating in Captivity...articulates a poignant and unacknowledged modern crisis for the first time.” (The Evening Standard (London))
“An elegant sociological study, complete with erudite literary and anthropological references.” (Daily Telegraph (London))
“A charming blend of wit and wisdom...this book will give you a fresh perspective on long-term love.” (Gold Coast Bulletin (Australia))
“Well argued points written with considerable eloquence.” (Jerusalem Post)
“This is a brave book...refreshing.” (The Times Higher Education Supplement)
“So honest it hurts.” (Irish Times)
“An excellent book, full of provocative prose and entertaining case illustrations.” (Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy)
See all Editorial Reviews
DETAILS
- Paperback: 272 pages
- Publisher: Harper Perennial; Reprint edition (October 30, 2007)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0060753641
- ISBN-13: 978-0060753641
- Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,466 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #2 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Sexuality
- #2 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Sexuality
- #3 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Counseling
REVIEWS
Mating in Captivity Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Esther Perel on Amazon com FREE shipping on qualifying offers One of the world s most respected voices on 6 Reviews Developed originally from an article she wrote on erotic intelligence psychotherapist Perel 39 s first book sets forth a thesis for today 39 s couples that is as 19 Reviews Trade in Mating in Captivity Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic for an Amazon co uk gift card of up to 3 14 which you can then spend on millions of items Spring is here the season of flowers and birds with love and marriage in the very air we breathe People pair up brimming with optimism and vowing Esther Perel is recognized as one of the world 39 s most original and insightful voices on couples and sexuality across cultures She is a celebrated speaker sought AvaxHome Your End Place In this black comedy Jim is an unsatisfied middle aged man on vacation with his family at Disney World free new school home county online lyrics download video car city sale texas music de pictures florida hotel real state sex high mp3 center uk 2007 california movie Bedtime stories a collection of erotic fairy tales Document Transcript Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyright PageAcknowledgementsThe Frog PrinceThe Craigslist Jobs Classifieds Free People Search Backgrounds Facebook Layouts Twitter Girls Women Moms Couples Wives Girlfriend Wife Hot Sexy Amateur More than just a Word Sunday August 27 2006 More than just a word
Because the author's ideas are provocative, this won't be an easy read. It wasn't for me, but an interesting read nonetheless. The author challenged all my beliefs about love and how relationships really work and I liked being challenged. She made me think in ways I had never before.
For example, her discussion on how desire needs distance -- but intimacy needs closeness -- and how these two conflict with each other in long-term relationships is dead on! But the author believes -- and I agree -- that it's possible to achieve both even if it seems impossible. She explains how this is possible without cornering you into believing only one method is the right way. There is no right way. Instead she shows how couples have managed to achieve this in their own way and discusses the pros and cons of each.
I also appreciated her discussion on how sexual fantasies differ from everyday fantasies. If you fantasize about the perfect job or the perfect mate, it's because you want these things to happen in reality. However, if you have a sexual fantasy about being raped, it doesn't mean that you want this to happen in reality. There's an element to your fantasy that is your true desire and in your sexual fantasies, you are in complete control about how this plays out.
So if I liked this book so much, why only 3 stars instead of 5? It's because there's a part where the author agrees with a client that it's respectful to withhold telling the truth about an affair. I've heard this argument before and I strongly disagree. I think it's disrespectful to decide for someone else (who's not your child) what they can and cannot handle. Withholding the truth is not about respect, it's about fear. If you told the truth, that person could leave you or retaliate in another way.
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