A General Theory of Love Paperback
Author: Visit Amazon's Thomas Lewis Page - ISBN: 0375709223 - Language: English - Format: PDF, EPUB
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Amazon.com Review
Poor, poor science--it gets blamed for everything. While it might be true that some of our alienation and unhappiness stem from a too-rational misunderstanding of emotion, it's also true that science is its own remedy. A General Theory of Love, by San Francisco psychiatrists Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, is a powerfully humanistic look at the natural history of our deepest feelings, and why a simple hug is often more important than a portfolio full of stock options. Their grasp of neural science is topnotch, but the book is more about humans as social animals and how we relate to others--for once, the brain plays second fiddle to the heart.
Though some of their social analysis is less than fully thought out--surely e-mail isn't a truly unique form of communication, as they suggest--the work as a whole is strong and merits attention. Science, it turns out, does have much to say about our messy feelings and relationships. While much of it could be filed under "common sense," it's nice to know that common sense is replicable. Hard-science types will probably be exasperated with the constant shifts between data and appeals to emotional truths, but the rest of us will see in A General Theory of Love a new synthesis of research and poetry. --Rob Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Publishers Weekly
The Beatles may have sounded naive when they assured us that "all you need is love," but they may not have been far off the mark. New research in brain function has proven that love is a human necessity; its absence damages not only individuals, but our whole society. In this stimulating work, psychiatrists Lewis, Amini and Lannon explain how and why our brains have evolved to require consistent bonding and nurturing. They contend that close emotional connections actually change neural patterns in those who engage in them, affecting our sense of self and making empathy and socialization possible. Indeed, the authors insist, "in some important ways, people cannot be stable on their own." Yet American society is structured to frustrate emotional health, they contend: self-sufficiency and materialistic goals are seen as great virtues, while emotional dependence is considered a weakness. Because our culture does not sufficiently value interpersonal relationships, we are plagued by anxiety and depression, narcissism and superficiality, which can lead to violence and self-destructive behaviors. It is futile to try to think our way out of such behaviors, the authors believe, because emotions are not within the intellect's domain. What is needed is healthy bonding from infancy; when this does not occur, the therapist must model it. The authors' utopian vision of emotional health may strike some as vague or conservative to a fault, and the clarity of their thesis is marred by indirect and precious writing. Yet their claim that "what we do inside relationships matters more than any other aspect of human life" is a powerful one. Agent, Carol Mann. 9-city author tour.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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DETAILS
- Paperback: 288 pages
- Publisher: Vintage; Reprint edition (January 9, 2001)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0375709223
- ISBN-13: 978-0375709227
- Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #9,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #25 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Neuropsychology
- #38 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Neuropsychology
- #40 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Emotions
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Warning: The General Theory of Love contains highly innovative ideas that are elegantly stated. It has been found in some cases that reading this book carefully may cause greater understanding of the world we live in. In order to understand a theory, it helps me if I can state the axioms as Euclid did in the classic Geometry text: "Elements".
In order to summarize the tremendous impact this book has had on my concept of human interaction, I have tried to reduce this theory to its core axioms or principles. Though one cannot do this in as pure a sense as pure mathematics, my approach is more concise than it is inaccurate. I should note that these axioms are based on conversations with the authors after a recent book signing.
There are 3 "axioms" for successful love: (1) Connect, (2) Be authentic, (3) The earlier the better. The more these 3 conditions are met, the more we experience love. Now that is a theory we can apply! As a member of the corporate world, I like the fact that the authors offer solutions not just scientific observations and results. "Connect" means listen, look at, etc. "Be authentic" means say what you are really feeling not what is convenient or politically correct. "The earlier the better" suggests that loving is most crucial early in life and early in relationships.
I don't want to get too analytical in the space of 1000 words, but let me illustrate a single application of these axioms. Separating the infant from the mother at birth is a common practice in the USA. However, this practice violates the "axioms of love" since the mother cannot connect emotionally by holding and smelling the newborn child if the child is taken away for "medical procedures".
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